Singing all night long

Karaoke night was so much fun :D I wanna do it again but next time we gotta be all there. I actually already miss Kev :| we haven't seen him for such a long time and i hope he gets better soon. OMG i just realized how bangag i was last night T_T. My blog was like adfaskjl;lkasdjflaksjd =)). I really was a scatter-brain last night gahd :|. Well i'm fine now and i think i can write better now haha. GAHHHH i wanna go out. I wanna watch 17 again tom! of course with my Nige-y-kins with me :>. I love youuuuuuuuuuu!!! For some reason i feel really hyper right now considering that i gotta go to school tomorrow for choir practice at like 8 in the morning :)). Good luck to me for that. I would like to also correct my mistakes from the previous blog but nahhh, I'm too lazy to do that shit. Besides, i already explained why it was like that in the first place =)).

Had so much fun todayyyy!! :D and celine and jake made up....FINALLY. Gah i'm laughing at things i shouldn't be laughing at :)). Must go to sleep soon too. Oh yeah, I'm reading a new book now but i haven't started on it. It's an old book but it's a good one according to everyone who's read it and according to all the critics. It's also by Paulo Coelho and it's entitled The Alchemist.

Don't you just find the word alchemy, or anything that has to do anything with it, interesting? I've always had an eye for enigmatic things. Makes me curious that it hurts my head thinking about something so much.

I feel bored and all that right now. I want my friends to be with me right now. I want my honey-bunny (omg never thought i'd use that...i really am hyper -.-) to be with me right now. I MISSS YOUUUUU.

Oh yeah, we also had an UPCAT simulation test and my brain asdgjha;fj;asoidjf after the test :)). Hope i pass it though haha. I feel so happy today and i dont know why. I guess it's cause i forgot my personal history which was something that was limiting me to pursue true happiness. I won't worry about that anymore like i used to. The Zahir taught me so much and now it's taking me to my path of happiness (at least i think it is). Ok, i just realized that from a laughable blog it suddenly became serious. Anyway, from now on, i want to know true freedom. Freedom of being the person we really want to be. I will not lose to the "acomodador" (according to the book, the acomodador came from a Mexican book and it is called the "giving up point"). The acomodador is the only thing that stands between us to fulfill our freedom and happiness, and the point where we say the words "I could've done that anytime I wanted to." but then never really doing it. And then deep down, we have this sadness but then we say that we should just take in everything that is here now. But why do that when you can just go and fulfill what would make us happy? Human beings are so stupid sometimes. I myself can be stupid. But it's true that people should have the word "stupid" imprinted on their identification cards so that we'd be able to separate the stupid from the so-called smart ones. But the world would be in a standstill if there were no stupid people.

I've decided to not give in to the acomodador. I will do everything i want to because as they say, "if there is will power, there is a way." People who say that they couldn't get what they want just cause they chose not to are the type who have a certain sadness that they will never be able to get rid of until they do what they really want to. I will not submit to mediocrity. I will be someone who is able to say, "I am happy", who gives substantial and true meaning to those words. I will pursue my volitions and make sure that i fulfill them. I will not succumb to being unhappy.

Today is a happy day. I will never forget this karaoke night. I will be happy from now on and be free; free from regrets, free from the acomodador, free from low self-esteem, free from my personal history, and free from my unhappiness. I will be happy. I know i can. I know i will succeed for i am a bright person who knows right from wrong. And i know that God and all who i love and love me are by my side.


~living life in love <3 -Talia-~

Being me.

I wasn't able to make a blog yesterday night because i didn't feel like it. I was tired and was in the mood to do something else. I was at Liza's yesterday with Chan and Drei too and i had lots of fun. It just made me realize how much i missed hanging out with them and just talking. I wish and hope that we can do this more often. I'm excited to take driving lessons with Liza too since we'll be allowed to drive on our own soon :D.

I think i'm going to hell for making fun of how the children at liza's house. They were singing not stop. The song even stuck to me for a night. Liza, i'm totally understand how you feel. We will take you out more often from now on haha. But i gotta be honest, it's not the best voice ensemble in the world.

I finally finished the book today while we were having dinner at my resto. The book was good. Infact, it was great. Everything you can learn from life (well most of it) is there. Realizations just came one after another.

I have so many random thought popping out that i can't even write about anything in particular. It's made me feel tumultuous.

I'm excited too, for the karaoke night tomorrow rather today since it's 1 in the morning. I wish i could hang out with my friends more. I really miss the bonding time.

There's this thought in my head...i can't get it out. I just feel so insecure most of the time. But not anymore. I'm confident now. I know that i don't have to match up to other people and that i have something that they don't have. I'm me and i should be proud of it. No more trying to be somebody else or whatever. I'll be confident on who i am.

I am such a scatter-brain right now :|. I should just continue writing tomorrow.

The Zahir and my Zahir

There is this book written by my favorite author, Paulo Coelho, entitled The Zahir. It's a novel about obsession, love and losing and finding oneself. It's also about freedom and happiness that is defined through something called love. I just started yesterday at midnight and i couldn't drop the book. I slept around 4am just cause i kept reading and got half way through the book already.

The Zahir, like stated in the book, is a word that was used for many objects and things that it has several definitions. But the thing is...the Zahir becomes an object of obsession, at least for the narrator. And then i realized something, could i have my own Zahir? The book has given me so much to think about...what love means...what freedom means...what happiness really is. I've talked to many people, read what many people write and listen to what many people say. But none have answered these simple questions but it's funny that the book seemed to give me all the answers. It's funny how some mature people are still kind of wrong even though they're the ones who are older and have gone through a lot of experiences. I guess you never really know until you've lived your life through things not a lot of people go through.

I was contemplating on so much that my head felt like it was going to burst. I didn't know the answers and i didn't know how to find them either. But then something came to me. Maybe, there really is the right time for everything. We may find it in the end or not, but it all comes in the right time. Things are meant to go certain ways but the irony of this is that we choose our own destiny. So what is it really? Maybe it's a bit of both. It's really mind boggling and i guess we're just not meant to find out for now.

The book tackles so many questions that it gets you thinking so much that you just get more confused but then after just calming down and not thinking about everything, it's so strange that i find the answers to the questions that i was oblivious to at first. Then everything just came rushing out. I knew what it meant to live now. Not being afraid of anything but fear itself. Not fearing God but rather respecting Him and loving him. Love is suppose to be without fear but rather respect. It is the main essence of love, to respect ones significant other. This is what i also learned in the book.

I looked deep within me and realized something. My Zahir was my loved one. My Zahir was Nigel. I was too deep into it that i was obsessed with the relationship. I was so obsessed with Nigel. And like the narrator of the book, i divulged myself in it and made it my every reason for everything. I forgot the true meaning of what it is to be happy with him and for some time, felt distant and away. Then after reading, i finally figured it out. I had to repudiate him from my obsession and instead just love him as i used to. Love him as a free person and let him be free to do what he wants. I now understand that being free is what gives us the full potential to love a person with all we have. The freedom will give us the key to learning how to love genuinely. I learned this all by reading a book of obsession. And maybe i will learn more as i read more of it until i finish. Many thoughts are still running around in my head but as of now i can't answer them all. I just want to love freely and truly. I want to be free of my Zahir. And i am now able to free myself because i love, because i learned and still learn. I saw my answer and it freed me of my doubts and fears. I am a free woman. I love Nigel and and from now on will try to spread it to as many people as i can. And to continue this journey of life, I commit myself to love and to God. Others may find this unreasonable, but this is what life is about, loving and being loved. We were created out of love, we journey in love, and we perish in the end still in love.



~living life in love <3 -Talia-~

A year and two months of being with you...

A year and two months have passed wherein i've either laughed non-stop or cried non-stop. A year and two months went by and i regret nothing. I have never been so happy and honest in my life. I thought someone would never accept me for who i am but being with you has proven me wrong and staying with you has given me hope for the things i want in life.

You are my best friend and the person just for me, as i'd like to call you. I remember that years ago, out of loneliness, i'd write songs, poems, love letters and all that to someone imaginary. It made me feel like i was in love, but i had no one to love, rather, i had no one who loved me so. The feelings i wrote down on scratch paper were feelings i have never felt but wanted to feel. And now that all those scratch papers are gone, i now write genuine feelings on clean paper for someone i now share my life with, for someone i have those feelings i've once dreamt to have. All i've ever wanted was to learn to love and to be loved in return. It was a dream that i thought was distant. I've never fallen in love with someone as much as Nigel had me do so. Even my love for him surpassed that of someone i had fallen in love with in the past. I don't regret choosing Nigel and i don't think i ever will. I am happy beyond all reason, and nothing can break this apart, i refuse anything to break this apart. I will protect it with the all the love and care i have until there is none left to give. I hope this relationship never ends and that our love remain true and sincere all the days of our lives. I love you Nigel, happy monthsary :)

i hope for many more happy years to come for the two of us always laughing and loving...I LOVE YOU HONEY :)

~living life in love <3 -Talia-~

my first blog...can't believe i'm doing this...haha

hi, this is my first time blogging haha...it's quite ironic since i once thought of blogging as something that wastes time but i think my opinion about this has changed now. I guess i'm doing this partly because i feel like it and liza kinda sparked this thing in me that makes me want to write in blogs after i saw her blogs. I guess, i felt less insecure about saying how i feel and what i really think. So here goes nothing...

Lately, things have been...boring. i've been thinking about a lot of things...my friends...my relationship...my life...what's going to happen...and i'm a bit confused at what i really want. I guess i just want to be happy like everyone does...but i really don't want to live a normal life. I'm not saying this against anyone but normal is just a little boring for me. I want my life to be unique. I want it to be a life worth living. I don't want to end up being stuck at some office in a random bank and do paperwork...or be stuck at a call office answering endless calls day by day. I want adventure and spontaneity. I don't want to be someone called as mediocre. I know people say, you'd be lucky enough to get a job but i don't believe in that. I believe in pursuing what one wants and what would make one happy. I know people would criticize me for thinking this way since life is supposedly "hard" nowadays and careers that include talents like music, drawing, dancing, and stuff like that are hard to make a living out off. Am i wrong for saying dreaming big isn't such a bad thing? And that pursuing these things can be the best decision that you may make in your entire life? Maybe it is...maybe it isn't, but how would you know for sure until you try it? Like they say, "we only live once."

Going to another topic...I miss Nigel...a lot. But i don't mean it in a sense where i miss him and want him to be here. Of course some part of me does want him to be here, but what i really miss is just having fun with him and doing new things with him. I think this happens to relationships where it gets to a point where things just stop moving and i'm beginning to believe that we are on the edge of a cliff that'll bring us down to that point. I just wish things don't get to the point where the relationship becomes dull. This doesn't mean that i'm unhappy for i am very happy to have such a loving man beside me even though he knows both my strengths and weaknesses. I'm happy for a lot of reasons and most of those reasons are because i have him. He makes me the happiest and i hope i give him the same feeling he gives me. I know that sometimes i'm not really the best person to be with...but there are times that i can be the best person to be with...i guess everyone has those times. But i just really want to make him happy more than anything. He's my bestfriend and my boyfriend/partner/significant other/soulmate or whatever people want to call it and i couldn't ask anything more from him. I've been thinking a lot about what our future would be, how long we can keep us working. I believe that we will make it because we love each other and that's all one really needs in a relationship, the love that is enough to keep someone become the best he/she can be. So it ain't true that "love isn't enough" because i think it is since it is the drive to doing everything we do, the reason to what we do and who we are. Nigel Christopher O. Villanueva, I love you very much and i will keep supporting you as long as i can. I will be by your side and make things work the way we want them to for us. I will be here for you, to love you and cherrish you as long as God allows me so.

~living life in love <3 -Talia-~