Sick -_-'

Although I would love to skip school, but I don't want to miss anything. I don't want to go back to my 2nd year or 3rd year days where I was a lazy good for nothing bum. I made heart break as an excuse. I forgot that life goes on. I want to be better now. I really do. I just feel like I won't make it. The breakdown I had last night isn't over like i thought it was. I guess I have to accept the fact that I'm really scared. I think the reason why I'm sick is cause I let it get to me so much. It's weird since I should've already been sick when my cough started, but it just started the day after. It just gets harder that I also have my monthly visit from a female's worst nightmare. I hate it that it has to be every month and it hurts so bad T_T.

Well, I hope I get well soon. I also partly want to get my license tomorrow. I hope the latest it'll get to me would be on wednesday. I miss Nige. His mom doesn't want to allow him to use the phone or his cellphone. I guess she really wants him to get well. I need him though...I need someone. Lately, I've been keeping things to myself again. I don't know why. It's just happening. I feel as if everything's just so far away from my reach. I feel lost. What's happening to me? Just when everything is going well, or so I thought it was, it feels as if I'm losing grip of everything. Is it just in my head? I don't get it anymore. I don't understand what's going on with me. I used to always think that maybe I was mature, maybe I'm really not. I know a lot of things, but maybe it's still not enough. Everything of me isn't enough. I feel sad and lonely. Why do I feel this way?

I want to someone to help me. But how would people understand something in me that I myself don't understand? How am I to be understood? I wonder if a psychologist could crack the code or something. I want to find out what's making me so lost. I feel like I just want to be in a stand-still. I dont want time to move just for a while. I wish it could stop for me. But alas, time stops for no one. I wish time would be more considerate, or is it just that we don't know how to use it. Who knows, maybe one day, I'll find a way to stop time. I just feel so confused. So many feelings and thoughts boggled up inside my head. Someone help me. Someone find me. Is anyone even there?...

~living life in love <3 -Talia-~