i'm back :)

I came home today from Boracay. It was a good trip and it was relaxing. The beach was very nice and we stayed at a good place where there was no "lumot" (sea plant thingies) and the sea was as clear as a clean swimming pool. But i have this really weird phobia with fish. Don't get me wrong, i love fish and watching them swim so gracefully, i actually have this fantasy of being a mermaid. The thing is, i'm afraid of being touched by those cute fish. I scream at the site of them when they're very near. I hate it. I don't know why, i just have this thing about slimy things even though slime doesn't bother me much. Howcome fish bother me so much? This is a question i have never answered and i'm still trying to find out. I remember now one way to find out why we fear things. Last year, when i was still in third year, my history teacher, Sir Bunag, made us do this meditation exercise. If we weren't concentrated, then nothing would come out of it, according to him. He let us be in a relaxed state, like we were floating. Yes i got to that part, but things kind of lead me to another course, and thus i was distracted. I tried to get back on track, but then all i kept seeing in my head was a beautiful vineyard and i think i was in france. I felt like i was a rich aristocrat and that i had everything, well almost, that i wanted in this world. But i was lonely. I had no one with me. I owned all, but had no one to share it with. Kind of sad right? And then the thought of me being afraid of loneliness came up to me after Sir Bunag explained to us that that vision was a sort of past life. Our fears came from that past life. And i started thinking, maybe he is right. And now, maybe i can find out about my fear of being touched by fish by doing that again, but problem is, i have no one to guide me to get into that state once again and i have forgotten how our teacher did it. I really want to find out why i fear fish so much cause it's starting to weird me out. I don't get it, really.

Anyway, enough about that. I just want to get back to gym. I haven't been in gym for a whole week and i'm really looking forward to it. Doing gym makes me feel fulfilled and happy. I guess it's the endorphines kicking in haha. And i'm also going to try to study well for my entrance exams. I do want to pass the UPCAT and ACET. If i pass both, then i'd be very VERY VERY HAPPY. It's my dream to go to UP and to pass the ACET. Going to UP is the most important to me out of all my choices. I want to learn music and be better at it. I want to be the best and i want to be regarded as the best, if not the best, at least one of the bests. Passing the ACET is just for my self-esteem. I know it's pretty low of me to want that for the sake of my own ego, but i want to prove to myself that i am capable of doing what i want. I guess this part of me is somehow the egoistic part.

I really want to fulfill my dream of being a musician. I want to be famous around the business (even if not the public audience) so that i may be a sought after musician. I want be someone who is worth to be called great. I know that my dream is a bit far fetched but i believe i can do it. Somewhere in my head there is doubt, but i can't let myself believe in such doubts if i really do want to make it into the real world from my dream world. I hope that i can really make it through and i hope that i won't have to or need to give up this future. I love music and it's the only thing i see myself happily doing in the future.

Oh yeah, in Boracay, i met new friends. I even named them myself haha. These friends were all dogs. I am such an addict when it comes to dogs. We fed them everynight we were there, well the other one was fed well so no need to feed him. We were closer to the other one. I named him Bucci. He was so sweet and cute and all. I honestly wanted to take him, and if i did, he would be the 2nd dog from Boracay that we would've taken home haha. The two dogs were guards at the place so they were owned and were not strays. The other one was a bit grumpy and we call him Manager (since he's the manager's dog) but i personally called him Pocca. Wow, the names i come up with for dogs haha. I had a blast with them and they were always following us around until they were on the job or if they wanted to play with the other dogs. I was attatched to Bucci and i even bought him a leash because he had a rough rope entangling him when i first met him. I gave him that so he would have a comfortable one if he needed it. I honestly miss the dogs since i spent my nice windy cool nights with them everyday. I would be with them for about an hour, just patting them and running my hand through their back. They loved it. It was like they were never showed such in their life which is sad. I hope to see them again soon. We also visited a Golden Retriever from a friend who owns a resort and hotel. We met him again after two years and it was such a sweet reunion. River, the retriever, came running to us when we called him. It seems that he hasn't forgotten all that time when i'd always rub his belly and just spend time playing with him. And now he has a wife named Goldie/Goldy (not sure how to spell it) and she was very friendly to us.

Enough about dogs for now haha. Thinking about senior year, i'm kind of excited. I'm excited cause i know this time, i will be one of those students who will receive an award for academic excellence. I know i am capable of it. I'm going to make this a year to remember. I'm also going to slim down this year. Along with my new hair-do, i have a new resolution haha. I got the haircut just after we got back from Boracay. After, had an amazing time with Nigel. I hope you have a safe trip tomorrow. I will pray greatly for your safe flight going there and coming back here.

I am really tired right now so this will be all for now. This is gonna be a great school year :D. I'm gonna make it one.

~living life in love <3 -Talia-~