fulfilled

I feel stressed, tired and fulfilled. It's weird that i feel all those at the same time. I guess i know that i'm working my ass off and actually seeing it kind pay off. I've got my confidence back and i'm going to turn my world around and make this a happy last school year. I ain't letting anyone rain on my parade this time.

I'm happy and i'm not going to lose this for quite some time. I've decided on what i want to do. Although i'm still a bit scared of what the future might bring, but i know i can be great. I don't want to lose this confidence anymore. I know i need to be strong even though some people don't like the decision i've made. I just have to keep my confidence and hold my head up high. I'm just gonna do the best that i can and show myself that i can be great. This is my resolve. It may be too late for me to get good recommendations for college since i messed up the last two years of my high school life, but like they say, it's never too late to change.

I'm seriously thinking about not taking the ACET. It's true that i don't need any course there. It would be a waste of time to take it and the effort of studying would maybe just make things worse. But i do want to take it just for the reason that i want to pass it. So now i'm thinking about whether to take it or not. I'm also going to apply for CSB i think. I'm seriously thinking about it. It's an option. But the thing i'm really thinking about is if i am planning to submit an application for Berklee now. I can do that in the future, but i don't want to waste a lot of time just studying. But i guess i can study and do what i want at the same time. It's just a matter of hard work and heart. I can work on that. I also have this thing of wanting to act. I can act, i know i can. People don't seem to know that though. And maybe, one day, i can be able to participate in great broadway shows. Haha what a silly and cool dream. Although i know that i have the potential to reach that if i keep trying.

I actually love school now. I never thought i could achieve what i am achieving today. I've let too many people put me down. I've compared myself too much to others. And when i learned to just see myself, i started to do good. I will make this year the best year yet. I wish i could've done that last year for i dearly loved my class last year. It was just my second year slump that made me feel down the whole time. And even if i am alone, or feel alone, i can't let that make me feel like giving up. It's weak of me to actually succumb to that. I hate myself for fearing loneliness. But from now on, i know i'm not alone. I have great friends. They're always there. And i have Nigel too. I hope this happiness isn't a temporary one. Of course there will be ups and downs, but i wish it would stay a little longer this time.

~living life in love <3 -Talia-~